Hollow
by gqdenmark
Summary: 'Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future,' Was one of Emil's favourite quotes, and now that the world was seemingly crumbling beneath his own two feet he realized just how true it really was. Mathias Køhler was someone who knew that all too well.
1. Chapter 1

_Quick A/N before i begin,  
Big thanks to my co-author Sve on gqsweden on tumblr and my Beta reader Mickey on moqii on tumblr  
Thank you so much and enjoy!_

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'Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future,' Was one of Emil's favourite quotes, and now that the world was seemingly crumbling beneath his own two feet he realized just how true it really was. Ever since Emil was little things had been falling around him in waves after waves, though he'd been living with it since he was born, being that their mother died giving birth to him and soon enough his brothers and friends were slowly picked off one by one. He had never expected things to end this way, as he was sure it was inevitable that he would succumb to the monsters as well. There was no one left at home to supply him with the food and money they needed, so it was only necessary that he tag along with his eldest brother, the fate in which many others chose themselves. Many had no choice. And look where they wound up now; Under the dirt, not even a proper burial for half them. Though along their way Emil always made sure to stop and give a moment of silence for those who had lost.

Emil never was too sure how the world came to what it was today, or how the monsters even showed up. There were stories and rumours, much he heard during bed time when his brothers would tuck him in as a child, though he didn't believe any were truly accurate. Mat had told him that over the years the monsters multiplied quickly. They used to be manageable, he would say, The towns used to have no walls and the people could roam freely. But a good handful of years ago something happened and nobody was too sure how it happened. Many blamed their father who was the little town's mayor. He had a bad back and was hardly ever home. Hardly any people liked him, or so it was said. There were rumours that he was the one who caused the outbreak in these vicious monsters who feasted off the flesh and souls of the innocent, but Emil never had the heart to believe such a thing was true. Though because of what most believed their father had done they only found it right that once their father had gone missing unexpectedly that the rest of the family would go out and scavenge for food or hunt down the vicious creatures, but they had no right. What had their father done that was so bad?

The city walls kept out the beasts and everything else. The power had long since stopped working, in most of the homes and businesses, and the 'internet', whatever that was, had apparently, ceased existence. The city was beginning to become over crowded, and food supplies were dwindling, though the citizens were told not to worry. Everything was under control. Yeah, right.

There was no real need to worry of course, assuming you weren't a parent-less kid or looking for a little more to fill your stomach than what was considered to be your fair share. If you fit into one of those two categories, you were forced out the gates to scavenge for food, with minimal training on how exactly you were supposed to kill the beasts on the outside. Often times, new recruits were killed or eaten, and whatever was left of their body was left or dragged back and buried outside of their house, assuming they had one, or in one of the local cemeteries, assuming their family had enough money to pay for the dwindling plots, which often wasn't the case.

Mathias Køhler was someone who knew that all too well. At twenty eight, he'd brought home the mangled bodies of two of his brothers: Berwald, who had been only twenty four when he died, in May two years earlier, and Tino, the boy they'd taken in off the streets when he was only five, and hardly hiding from the city officials who swept the streets in search of vagrant children. At the time of his death, Tino had only been eighteen. There was now a threat of the loss of a third brother, Lukas, who had gone missing beyond the walls a few days earlier. So far, the only lead Mathias, and his last little brother Emil- the baby of the family- had, was Lukas's Nordic Cross hair pin, which they had found on the ground, blood spattered but otherwise unharmed.

It was late now, half past 11:30, half past curfew for anyone other than the unlucky few who were tasked with the job 'scavenger'. The group had gone out, split into their hunting parties, which ranged anywhere in size from two to ten people, and had seen little of each other since. The lucky few had battery powered flashlights, though most walked the barren landscape with little other than two kerosene lamps. It was better than nothing... but the popular opinion among the scavengers was that flashlights were much better than the lamps. Armed with anything from guns to swords to spades and shovels, the unlucky wandered the streets past the walls, and even went so far as to take the cracked and crumbling highways to the nearest empty cities. Many of them were children, the youngest being a seven year old girl whose name was currently unknown to everyone other than those in her hunting party, most of whom were hardly any older than she was.

The kids, who stood as straight and as tall as their little bodies could, showed age beyond their years. They had seen too much, they had grown up too fast, and as someone who'd been flung into a similar position when he should have been out, enjoying his youth, Mathias knew just how they felt... Of course, he had enjoyed a little more of his childhood before this job had been abruptly thrust upon him, which was something he considered himself lucky for. He had only started doing this when he was sixteen... These kids were seven, eight, nine... More than once, he'd sent them home, told them they could go sleep in his house, in his room or in one of the empty ones or anywhere they could find to sleep, while he and the older scavengers picked up the slack. The was agreed, among the older of the group, that kids should not be working at something so dangerous... so it wasn't uncommon for others to do the same and send the young ones home to bed. The kids never minded.

Now, Mathias's own hunting party consisted of himself and Emil. Before it had been Lukas, himself, and Emil, but after getting separated a few nights ago, they had, so far, not found their brother. Mathias was determined though... And he could tell that Emil was as well... Somehow, despite not finding him and despite him not coming home, they held out hope that he was still alive...

Emil and Mathias had been out for hours upon hours and it had finally reached the pitch black of the night. It was getting cold and the eerie feeling began to settle on their shoulders. Mathias had a 12-gauge shotgun with a 28 inch vent-rib barrel slung across his shoulder with a makeshift strap from old clothes from the scavengers who died while Emil carried the battery powered flashlight they were supplied with and a 3.75 inch straight edge pocket knife, not to mention he carried the backpack with all their supplies too, such as food and even a map.

By this time, Emil's legs could hardly carry him anymore, though he had to keep going. Their brother Lukas was one of the strongest the committee had ever had. He had a strong mental state and could get rid of the monsters quickly, unlike anybody else. So why would Lukas have died from the monsters? He honestly doubted it. Lukas would never leave him like that, would he? But the blood splattered on the pin stated otherwise.

Emil was starting to lag behind. He was tired, Mat could tell that had been out for awhile, so he supposed he could understand wanting a break... but he was, honestly, too worried about Lukas to really consider stopping. It wasn't that Lukas was weak or incapable, far from it, he could take down the monsters much quicker than anyone else he knew, but he could be reckless and a little overconfident in his own was something Mathias had witnessed many times over, and also something that worried him greatly... With any luck, Lukas was only hurt and had managed to hide himself away. Mathias didn't think he could take losing another member of his family, not with so many of them already dead.

As Emil walked his legs dragged and shuffled underneath him, begging for a break. So he decided to speak up.

"Mathias, we've been out for hours now… Nearly 8 hours, I don't know if I can keep walking.. Surely Lukas is fine..Right?" Emil looked to Mathias for the answer, eyebrows knitted upwards in anxiousness and hope flickering in his eyes.

A break? He wanted to rest? REALLY?!... Well, he wasn't going to deny the kid that luxury. He was only 19, after all. He'd only just started doing this a few months back.. he wasn't quite used to the long treks and the terrible darkness. "...You wanna stop?" he asked, slowing to walk beside his little brother. "We can stop, I guess.. Lukas is probably okay, yeah... I hope so, anyway... I just wanna find him." Shortly after speaking, he slowed to a stop, stretched his back a little, and looked around in the dark. Where they were now, the coast seemed to be clear...

The night was warm, the air heavy and hard to breathe. It was with stopping that he noticed this, that he noticed how dry his throat was and how his lungs ached and his thighs burned. On second thought, stopping might actually not be a bad idea. Hopefully Emil had some water in the bag, or something to drink... Hell, he'd go for anything right now. Something to drink, something to eat; Anything that would give him enough energy to keep going, to find his lost brother.

Mathias set himself down in the grass, and motioned lightly for Emil to sit with him. "I'd say we could go back, but we're a little far to go back right now... We'll rest for awhile, keep looking, and head back when it's light out if we don't find him sooner. Skip tomorrow's shift."

Emil sat down beside Mathias, carefully slipping the backpack off his back, down his arms, and into his hands where he set it down on the grass beside him. He kept his knees bent with his arms hugging them close to his body once he had finally sat down, mostly for warmth. Emil's lips were pursed tightly in a thin, straight line as he leaned to his side to gently lay his head on Mathias shoulder, sighing with quite the frustrated undertone.

"I don't want to skip tomorrow's shift," He mumbled, though it was stern. He stared off into the distance that the flashlight could cover, which wasn't much as it was beginning to lose it's energy from the battery. His eyes were dull and the hope he had seconds ago was seemingly dwindling with another exasperated sigh. Emil was absolutely beyond drained.

"Who knows where Lukas could be. It's best we keep going so maybe we can find him quicker.. If he's hurt, we need to get to him as quickly as possible!" He began to raise his voice, practically begging. One arm unwound itself from his knees to grasp at part of the Dane's coat beside him. He tried to calm down, but it only resulted in his body shaking and tears welling and poking at his eyes. It wasn't fair, he was only nineteen and death started for him as a small child. It wasn't fair.

He sighed quietly, tugging the backpack Emil had placed down and set it in his lap, opening it up to see if there was anything to eat, anything to drink... He just listened to his brother go on for awhile, before he actually bothered to speak up.

"If we head back in the morning, it'll take most of the day to get home and then we won't have time to sleep before we go out again and going out when you're tired is just begging to get yourself killed," he grumbled a little, looking through the bag. He'd seen that too many times to count- mostly with kids, and sometimes with the occasional veteran... Stupid mistakes. That was what had happened to Tino... Too many nights in a row had done him in... And he didn't want to repeat that with Emil. He couldn't care less about himself, but... Emil was the baby, and despite the fact that he was, indeed, an adult, he would always be the baby.

Emil wiped his tears quickly from his eyes, sniffling quick before starting to collect himself. "I'm sorry, Mathias..," he apologized, now looking down at his aching feet that were encased in his muddy, black combat boots. "I'm just...so overwhelmed.. Everyone is dead in our family but you and I... If we lose Lukas... I...," Emil didn't even need to finish, he knew Mathias was aware of exactly what he was getting at.

"I know you want to find Lukas- I do too, trust me-, but he's not going to be found if we go out when we haven't slept. We're just going to get killed and if he's alive, and say, he's hurt, then he'll die too and it'll be completely pointless. The only way we're going to find him is if we're actually AWAKE to do so."

Emil's eyebrows furrowed downwards angrily. "Mathias, you don't get the point!" He yelled, fists balling up as he grasped tighter at the fabric of Mathias's coat. "You don't get it! If we head back we're just going to have to walk back this way again! And again and again! I'll get tired and you'll make us go back home, we'll never get further than this point!" Emil's sentence died off quickly as he calmed down so his breathing wasn't so heavy anymore.

It took him a good few moments to calm down, letting his breath out in a long, slow exhale before continuing his rambling, letting go of Mathias's coat. "Point is, I think we should stay here. We should just.. take turns sleeping. And if one of us sees anything, we'll tell the other. I'm not willing to give up on Lukas, and I know you never will..."

The moment was silent for a few moments before Emil said anything else.

"I know what Lukas means to you..."

Mathias frowned heavily, pulling a bottle of water out of the bag and opening it to take a sip before answering.

"Sure. Whatever. We'll stay out, I don't care. It's not like there's jack shit at home anyway... You can sleep first. I'll wake you up if something happens. Do we have extra batteries? Are there even extra batteries anymore?" That was a stupid question. Of COURSE there weren't. No one ever got extra batteries. Batteries were like gold now, they were so hard to come by. With a sigh, he continued, "Forget I asked that, of course we don't." A little frustrated, he dug through his bag for a pack of matches, with the intent of making a fire for light. If they were staying over night, they'd need light…

Emil looked away from Mathias, hearing the frustration in his voice. He didn't mean to make this more upsetting than it already was, but he couldn't help but want to urge this on. He knew that this would be the best idea to go by, and he was sticking with that. So with the quick thought he stretched out and gave a big yawn.

"Alright... Just wake me up when you want your turn..." Emil nodded, moving so he wasn't leaning against Mathias anymore who just pulled out matches. He stood up once he saw the matches, knowing what Mathias was about to do. "Here, I'll go grab some stray twigs, I'll stay in the light so you don't have to worry..." Was all he said, not caring about what Mat would say to that.

He grumbled something along the lines of 'You'd better stay in the light', before Emil got up to collect some twigs and things for their fire. He didn't wanna lose track of his brother, after all... He dug some of the trash and such out of their bag and set them up with the twigs to use as kindling, started up the fire, and shut the flashlight off to save battery power.

Just like he said, Emil stayed in the light, leaning down and picking up dead and fallen twigs. Once he had a good handful he brought them to where the two of them sat, moving down onto his knees and placing them all down gently.

"You don't mind if I rest my head on your lap, do you?" Emil asked quite sheepishly, looking up at his brother. Nothing would ever change the fact that he liked to be comforted and close to his brothers in times like these, and this wasn't an exception.

"Nah, I don't mind. Get over here, kid," he tugged Emil over beside him lightly, made him sit down, and lightly messed up his hair. "Make yourself comfy, get some sleep. I'll wake you up if I need you." He'd keep the fire going, stay up and make sure everything was alright while Emil slept... It was almost nostalgic, actually. He could remember when Emil was little, when it would storm or when the monsters outside the walls got particularly loud, he would crawl out of his bed, and climb in with himself and whoever else happened to be sleeping in his bed that night, assuming someone else was scared of the storm or was having a bad dream or something of the sort... Emil would wake him up, sniffling and crying and mumbling about not being able to sleep, so Mathias would gently scoop him up and snuggle him lightly in his arms and tell him that nothing would get him, nothing would hurt him... he could sleep, it was okay. Later, it was Lukas who spent most of his time taking care of Emil, but for the first few years of the kid's life, it had, for the most part, fallen on Mat's shoulders to look after him... He was the big brother, after all. He had to look after all four of them. He'd never really been that great of a big brother, looking back on it…

Emil smiled and let out a few soft chuckles, scrunching up his face as Mathias messed up his hair. Afterwards, after a few failed attempts at making himself comfortable, he finally placed his head down on his brother's thigh. Emil sighed contently and his eyes fluttered closed. The sound of the fire beginning to crack and sizzle was kind of soothing. He rather there be some noise besides the rustling of leaves in the wind or the dead silence. Not many animals lived there as much as they had used to.

A few moments later, once he's sure that Mathias is done starting the fire, Emil hesitantly moves his hand to find that of his brother's. Despite being nineteen now holding hands was still something that could comfort him, he hoped Mat didn't mind.

One last time Emil opened his eyes to look up at the sky, stars twinkling gently up against the dark canvas, little to no clouds in sight. A small smile gently poked at Emil's lips before they parted.

"Ya think Berwald and Tino are up there? Do ya think they're looking down on us? ... I think they'd be proud of us, Mat... They'd be real proud...," Emil shut his eyes, closing them tight. A few tears squeezed out and ran down his face, leaving gentle water stains on his rosy cheeks.

He looked up at the sky thoughtfully, content to stare at it for a moment to mull over Emil's question before replying quietly.

"...I hope they are. I dunno what happens to people after they die, but I hope Ber and Tino are okay..." He squeezed his brother's hand lightly, threading the fingers of his free hand gently through the kid's hair. "If anything, Ber's probably scolding me for something," he almost laughed, sounding amused, if rather sad. "Scoldin' me for letting you talk me inta staying out, probably. Tino's probably tellin' him it's for the best. God bless Tino, getting that asshole off my back..." he sighed a little. "...I miss them."

"I miss them too...," Emil mumbled gently, moving his head so his eye closest to Mat's thigh could gently rub against the fabric of his rough jeans to remove the tears. "God bless Tino's heart too... He was probably the strongest out of all of us, now that I think of it... " He sighed gently, moving his head back to how it was originally before wiping away the tears.

"I'm sure we'll make it though... Even if Lukas isn't with us either... We have to do this. For Berwald, For Tino... For Lukas, and for everyone else who lost their lives... To all these god forsaken monsters..," Emil hissed angrily, his grip on Mathias's hand growing tighter.

Emil sighed and calmed down before speaking up. "You're a good brother, Mat... I love you.. Sleep tight,"

"...Love you too, kiddo. Sleep well," he replied quietly, looking down at him for a moment, fondly, before turning his eyes up to the sky... Maybe Ber and Tino were up there? God, he hoped so. Wherever they were, if they were anywhere, he hoped they were okay... He hoped Berwald forgave him for being such a shitty big brother, and, God, he hoped Tino was keeping him company. Ber was never very good on his own...

He let Emil sleep for hours. He was tired himself, but it was the sort of tired where he knew just by closing his eyes, that sleep wouldn't be coming soon. About two hours in, there was a rustling that startled him into picking up his gun, though it was quickly revealed to be nothing but a small group of other scavengers, just kids, who'd gotten lost on their first night out... They huddled around the fire and napped for a few hours before they woke up and he directed them home. The fire seemed to keep the monsters away... He would have to keep that in mind.

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_A/N Thank you all so much for reading the first chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it, and hopefully in the next few days the next chapter should be up  
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	2. Chapter 2

Only when the sun started to peak over the horizon did Mat even think of shaking awake his little brother. A sleepless night for him was nothing, he'd had many of those, especially in the past two years. The only thing it was, was hypocritical but, at least he knew that.

With the fire dying now, he packed up what they had, and was sure to leave out something for Emil to have for breakfast and something for him to drink. He had already eaten, so it was alright. Once the bag was properly packed up, he gently shook his little brother's shoulder.

"C'mon, kiddo... It's morning, wake up," he said rather gently, poking at the fire now with a stick to get it going a little again.

Emil let out a grunt as his shoulder was shaken. Mathias's grasp was firm, though caring, careful not to shake him too hard. Emil just shifted his position and continued to lay on his brothers lap for another few moments. Eventually, he did lift himself up with his arm that was closest to the ground, his other hand raking through his mop of hair. He stretched and yawn, rubbing his eyes right after.

"Mornin', Mat…" Emil smacked his lips together, mouth drier than a desert. He was about to ask for something to drink when his eyes laid on an old granola bar and a bit of water to drink, about half a bottle full. "Oh, Thank you," he mumbled, reaching out to grab what had been laid in front of him.

"..Hey, Mat? Why didn't you wake me up last night? We were supposed to take turns watching over one another, remember?" Emil untwisted the water bottle's cap and guzzled half of what was left, saving the other for after he ate his granola bar which he was currently unwrapping.

Mathias yawned a little, stretched his arms up, and gave Emil a warm, happy sort of smile. "Decided to let you sleep! ...Plus, I wasn't really tired, so I stayed up, let you get some rest. There were also a couple little kids who came along so I had to look after them, too. They got lost, poor guys. Had a nap by the fire, then I sent 'em home, told 'em they could grab a snack outta our cupboards if they didn't have a place to stay... We got plenty of stuff that we won't be eating for awhile... Don't want it getting moldy, right?" He hummed, still smiling.

"It was also too hot to sleep," he continued, rambling a little now, "It's already hot, and then the fire was hot and I just decided that it was best to stay awake 'cause it's too warm... You sleep okay, kiddo?"

Emil nodded as a response, his mouth full of granola bar. He soon swallowed it so he could speak up. "I wish you would have gotten some sleep at least, Mat. You said yourself that sleep is more important than anything, you're going to get tired real fast…" Emil looked over and gave Mathias a quick glare, more caring than anything though.

"But, yeah, I slept well," he continued, reaching forward to grab the water bottle again and take a quick sip to swallow the few bits of his food he'd bitten off. "It was kind of nostalgic, last night. Sleeping with you, I mean… Thanks, by the way, I really owe you…" Emil looked up and over at Mathias, giving him a loving smile.

Mat smiled fondly back, seeming to be in a decent mood despite being obviously tired, heavy, dark bags under his eyes. "Nah, I've gone nights without sleeping before, I'll be fine…" Mathias dragged on with a low chuckle. "And I'm kinda surprised you remember any of that!" his laugh got louder. "You stopped crawling in with me when you were just little... then you went to Lukas, most of the time. Probably because I wasn't home a lot..." he shrugged a bit, dismissing the thought and moving on.

The next five seconds were spent double checking that they had everything in the bag, before he had something else to say, at which time he spoke up again. "You don't owe me anything for that! I'm your big brother, that's what I'm here for."

Emil just continued to smile and nod, sitting and finishing what was left of his breakfast. "Aren't you gonna have anything?" Emil questioned, shoving the now empty wrapper into his pocket and twisting the cap of the water bottle back on tight. They could always reuse it and they had plenty more water in their backpack.

He sat up and began to make his way onto his two feet, stretching again and giving his back a good crack, groaning afterward and rubbing his side. "You'd think I'd be used to sleeping in such bad conditions, but this still kills my back…" He huffed gently, hair flying up and out of the way of his face from the quick breath of hair he had just exhaled. "Man, I don't think I'll ever get used to this…" Emil admitted a bit sadly.

Mathias shook his head, laughing a little and leaning back on his hands. "Ate before I woke you up... And yeah, no one ever really gets used to sleeping on the ground! 'Specially when they've had a bed. Even if it was a lumpy, old bed." Emil just nodded in agreement, not bothering to verbally reply to that.

Mat hummed, hauling himself up to his feet with a little yawn. "Which way d'you think we should head first? I mean, it's not like we have any real leads... Jus' wanna find him and go home, yanno?"

Emil sighed gently and picked the backpack up off the ground. With a quick move of his arm he slung it up and over his right shoulder with a bit of a huff. At least it was getting lighter, but then again, lighter meant less food and supplies.

He took a moment to look around the tree scattered landscape that was beginning to overgrow; many plants were now dying. Soon there would be no vegetative plants left, Emil was sure. The natural cycle of life was beginning to cave in on itself. "I suppose we should just keep going the way we were headed." He scratched the back of it head, taking a moment to think over their current situation.

"Theres so much distance to cover, I'm not too sure we'll ever find Lukas…" Emil finally mused, voice hushed.

"...I hope we find him," Mathias muttered, reaching down to grab his gun that had been propped up against an old tree and slung it over his shoulder. That was the reality of the situation... There was just so much space, so many places Lukas could have wound up dead or alive, that it was entirely possible that they could spend the rest of their lives out here and never find him.

Before starting on his way, Mathias kicked out what was left of the fire, stomping on it with his boots a few times before he was sure that it would stay out. With that, he started to walk, not bothering to look if Emil was following. He would follow, so there was nothing to worry about.

Emil followed right behind Mathias, making sure to keep close to his eldest brother. He kept an eye out for anything he deemed suspicious as well and always made sure to keep one hand close to his pocket in which he kept his pocketknife at all times, for safety reasons, of course.

There was a certain soreness in his bones, something he had come to expect from long nights of walking and fighting and whatever else. It was worse today though, likely due to the fact that he hadn't slept. His bones felt heavy, his muscles seemingly straining to get them to move. He wouldn't stop though, no... Not until he found Lukas, or his knees gave out. Whichever came first, he supposed.

They walked for hours with no clues, with no leads. The sun was set high in the sky above and it beat down on the both of them, although the foliage from the trees shaded them. It was probably the hottest day so far this year and the fact that so many old factories from years ago had combusted and let so much CO2 into the air didn't help with the suns radiation with what people decades ago called Global Warming, which many people now believed was a total myth. Though the two of them kept treading through the grass which was up to their knees now with not much more than a simple few moments of rest scattered about.

It wasn't until the late afternoon that Emil tugged at Mathias's coat, quietly telling him to stop in his tracks. There was rustling and grunting-like sound coming from their right that was all too familiar, along with a trail of splattered blood on the blades of grass beneath their two feet. Emil could hear a bit of a moist sound too, most likely that of the blood and raw meat of the victim. His eyes went wide and his body became absolutely stiff, though his voice quivered with fear.

"Mat," Emil whispered hoarsely. "Mat, I think ones here… It...it's _eating _someone…!"

Mathias turned his attention to the sounds, studied it for a moment, and quietly slid his gun from his shoulders. He crouched, hefted the gun up with the back against his shoulder to prepare for the recoil, and took a few moments to carefully aim. It was hard to kill these things, and if one were to hit them in the wrong place, they would just get angry, and the last thing anyone wanted chasing them down was an angry Soul Mongrel. It was difficult to see if, off in the brush, but he managed.

A few moments later, after taking a long, slow breath and calming his unsteady hands, he pulled the trigger, the sound echoing through the vast forestry. The beast screeched when it was hit, black blood splattering from the beast onto both of the brothers, and oozing out of the wound. The sound was piercing and unearthly, haunting but far too familiar. It wasn't as though it was something Mat was hearing for the first time. The wailing hardly bothered him anymore, really. It fell to the side with a thump, and Mat stood up again, slinging the gun back over his shoulders and going to see who- or what-, the ugly, gnarly thing had been snacking on.

Emil cautiously stepped in for a closer look at whatever poor, unfortunate soul had fallen victim to the best, but upon closer inspection, crouched down close, Emil noticed something that made his stomach do flips and felt like he was about to be sick, and it wasn't just the gnarly odors coming from the victim or the now dead Soul Mongrel.

His shaky hands moved about the space beside him, though his wide eyes did not remove themselves from the mangled carcass before him. He searched blindly for Mathias, whispering his name over and over again, frightened, voice cracking. Once he found part of Mathias, most likely is long coat, his spare hand went to cover his mouth in fear of being sick and vomiting all over the dead body in front of him.

The body was hardly recognizable, half the face had been ripped off and the stomach was torn open, guts sprawled across the body and the green grass underneath. Though there was a trait left that he just couldn't ignore. The hair of whom the body belonged to was blood splattered, though there were few strands that weren't tainted by the now dried blood. Blond.

Emil's voice began to raise in fear, along with his breathing.

"Mat, Mat, no, no, no!" He started to scream, a hand raking through his hair before clenching a good clump of it, as much as his palm could take. "No, this can't be!"

Mathias, who'd followed him in after, spent a long time just staring at his little brother's ruined body. He could, honestly, hardly even tell if it was Lukas or not... and it would have been so easy to convince himself that, no, the dead man, no, boy, he was still just a boy, he was only twenty five, he was so young, on the ground was someone else, that was not Lukas. It couldn't have been Lukas! Certainly Lukas was alright, certainly he was just... hiding somewhere, maybe hurt but still very much alive. No, he couldn't be dead. He wasn't dead. Lukas couldn't die.

He felt like he was stuck, like he couldn't move forwards or backwards from where he was standing, like there was a weight in his stomach that had sunk down, down, down to his toes and held him in place. If he didn't know, deep down, who the body on the ground was, he would have gagged, would have probably thrown up at the sight, at the smell of rotting flesh and bile... He could feel Emil grabbing for him, for his coat, but for a moment, he just didn't react.

And then, all of a sudden, he was unstuck, and as much as he wanted to scream, wanted to cry and beat at the dead body of the thing that had killed his brother, instincts took over, and the first thing he did was grab Emil and pull his last living family member tight to his chest, hide his face so he didn't have to look at what was left of Lukas... Not that Emil couldn't handle it, not that he hadn't already seen it, but more so he didn't have to keep looking... so maybe he could pretend he'd never seen what lay on the ground at their feet.

Emil clung desperately to his brother, hands gripping at the fabric that was worn on Mathias's chest. It wasn't until now that he let out a loud sob, nearly screaming and holding on tighter to his only brother left. He bawled his eyes out, tears streaming down his face as his body shivered and quaked, chest heaving from just how much air he lacked in his lungs. The hot, dry air didn't help his breathing either, just making it harder and harder, until he practically couldn't breathe anymore.

His knees begged, wanting to buckle underneath his own weight and just give to the ground beneath him, to crawl beside his dead brother's mangled body and cry, sob, but he couldn't, needing the comfort of Mathias right now more than anything.

Eventually he calmed down and his sobs weren't as loud, but they were still there. His breathing stayed frantic, voice hitching as he tried to speak, but nothing audible came out through his hurried breathing. The only thing that Mat could make out was the sound of his own name and that of their lost brother, nothing more.

Through the whole ordeal, Mathias managed to limit himself to tears and quiet little sobs. His eyes never left Lukas's carcass, as much as he wanted to look away. In a way, he was punishing himself, showing himself that this was completely his own fault, and if he'd been paying more attention a few days prior, Lukas would be alive and they'd be at home, probably asleep in bed. Hell, if he'd been paying attention last year, or two years ago as well, Ber and Tino would still be alive, too.

He held Emil close, gently smoothing down his shock of messy, nearly white hair. Though it was an attempt to comfort him, he was well aware of the fact that it wasn't going to work. Lukas was dead, and now, they were alone. That would be another body buried in the backyard, in the corner behind the tree, another makeshift headstone with nothing more than a name carved into it, and another day of the year that would be marked by nothing more than the addition of flowers over the makeshift grave, if he could find them, or a handful of pebbles as a meager replacement.

Once Emil had calmed down, at least a little bit, Mathias scooped him up off the ground and carried him out of sight of Lukas's body. The kid was having trouble staying on his feet, and if Mat didn't move him himself, he thought it would have been entirely likely that Emil would never have moved. He didn't blame the poor kid, though. He had always been so close with Lukas, they both had. It was hard to admit that he was gone.

Eventually, he set his brother back down on his feet, gently peeled him off, and took his hand. They would have to come back around to get the body, because the soul mongrels were sure to be coming now, after the horrible noise the dead one had let out. They would have to figure out how best to bring what was left Lukas home... Tino hadn't even been that much of a mess when they found him, and Ber had been almost completely recognizable... Lukas was a whole other story... He was already starting to consider just burying the hair pin. There were logistical problems with that, though. If they buried the hair pin instead of Lukas, they would have no physical thing to remember him by like the did with Berwald and Tino. If they left his body out here, he would never be properly at rest... It made more sense to take him home, but home was so far away now.

Once Emil was set back on his own two feet and was forced to let his grip go, his knees finally gave out beneath him, and with a thud, he fell to his knees. His hand stayed in Mathias's, though it was a very nimble type of hold and Emil's body still shook in fear from what he'd seen. He knew that the image of his dead brother lying there in the grass was going to be burned into his mind forever, and that no matter how he tried to shield himself, it'd always be there in his recurring nightmares.

It was going to be nearly impossible to bring home Lukas's mangled body, it was already torn to shreds and only hanging together by torn tendons. So the logical explanation would be to leave Lukas's soulless and lifeless body to decompose naturally.

With his head down, Emil finally spoke his mind, calm enough to get coherent words out from his chapped lips.

"We can't bring him home," He mumbled, taking a deep breath. "The monsters are surely coming from the screams of their own dying brethren… So if we drag Lukas back home it will slow us down, and just give them another reason to attack us, not that they wouldn't if we didn't have Lukas…," Emil grew quiet, sniffling and starting to compose himself a bit better now. "We can place markers out for him like we did for dad, and grab some wild flowers here…" At the thought of Lukas's dead, rotting body he started to shake again. "P-place them over his chest…"

"...There probably isn't enough time to do even that," Mathias replied gruffly, carefully hoisting Emil back up to his feet, "They'll be coming any time now, we have to leave... Maybe we'll come back and put flowers down later, but right now, we should go." Despite the roughness in his voice and the general sourness of how he spoke, there was still caring there, and if Emil wanted to place flowers down before they left, well, he wouldn't argue it.

Sighing, he spoke again, sounding rather concerned. "Are you alright to leave...? I can carry you for a bit if you need.."

Emil stood up shakily, holding tightly to his brother's hand, not sure if he could go on quick enough. With how shaky and weak his legs were he didn't know if he could keep up with Mathias and how fast they needed to go to. He sheepishly looked to his brother, not wanting to say he needed the help, but he really did. He was nineteen now, he should be able to take care of himself. Though he finally gave in and realized he was going to need the help.

"Please?" he spoke quietly, wiping his tears away to rid his face of the dry feeling his prior tears left.

He smiled gently, tiredly and rather sadly, before passing Emil the gun, getting him to sling it over his back, and crouching to get him to climb onto his back. He would be able to move faster like that, so that was how he was going to carry Emil.

Once his brother had clambered up into his back, he set off running, back in the direction that home presumably was, careful to go as far away from the rising sounds of screeching and ethereal barking as possible. He wasn't in the business of getting eaten at the moment... Especially not today. He wasn't losing his last brother today... even if losing him meant dying himself.

Emil kept nice and close, arms tightly around Mathias's neck and his face hidden in the crook of his neck as well. His eyes were closed tight as he felt his brother beginning running through the forested landscape, out into the prairies and rolling hills that were present a few miles before their own little walled in town of Vilborg.

Once their town was in sight, graffiti lining the cement walls around the town, Emil was told it was time to get off and that they could walk the rest of the way. With that, he grabbed his brothers worn out, rough, calloused hand that was certainly much bigger than his own, and held it gently, squeezing it for a moment just to make sure he was still there.

They walked into the town, gates opening up for them, and it was back to the crowded gravel streets. They found their way home, not saying a word to each other along the way. Before entering the rusted door of their worn down home the two of them found two wooden planks and leaned them in an 'x' shape against the exterior of the house next to Tino's grave as a makeshift marker for Lukas, just like their father's. After a moment of silence the two of them went into the house and decided it would be best to rest their weary heads.

Emil, after trying to sleep in his own bed, found that he couldn't and shuffled his way into Mathias's own room. He didn't ask if he could, knowing Mat would know exactly why he was coming in, crawling under the covers and gently moving Mathias's arm so it was gently over top of him and one below, which moved with ease into a simple, tight hug. And with that, yet another night fell that Emil found himself sleepless, crying silently once again over another loss of another brother, though he praised the Gods that at least he had Mathias, and let himself drift away into a deep slumber in the early morning.


	3. Chapter 3

It was surprising to Mathias that he managed to sleep at all that night. Perhaps it was dumb luck, or, more likely, it was the fact that he hadn't slept the night before and had ran, with Emil on his back, most of the way home. By the looks of the sun outside, it was after noon when he woke up. His little brother, who had climbing into the bed sometime late last night, was still asleep and that, coupled with generally not wanting to do much of anything, persuaded him to stay in bed.

Outside the window, the sky was criminally cheerful. Bright blue, without a cloud in sight, it was like it was mocking them, or perhaps trying to apologize for what had occurred the day before. Mathias tried to force his eyes shut, tried to go back to sleep, but found that to be far more difficult in practice than in theory. It was far too bright to sleep, even if he was still tired, and his eyes just didn't want to stay closed. Defeated, he sighed, and waited quietly for Emil to wake up.

Emil's head was tucked gently up into the crevice of Mathias's neck and shoulder, blocked from the sunlight that seeped in through their dirtied windows, no blinds or any fabric at all to shield them from the harsh morning light. His mouth was slightly agape as he breathed gently in and out, face peaceful despite what had happened the previous day. That was the beauty of sleep, he could seemingly forget all that had happened, unless nightmares came, of course. Which, luckily, they had not come that night at all.

It was a good half hour later that Emil finally woke up, eyes fluttering open, though they drooped back down so they were half open now. He smacked his lips together a few times being that they were dry, and so was his mouth, but he could deal with that for now. Emil yawned gently and stretched his body out amongst the mattress he and Mathias had shared that night before, snuggling back into his brother with a sigh. It was then that all the memories came from yesterday and washed over his whole entire body. The peaceful look he had on his face was now vanished and his eyes, once again, seemed lifeless.

"'Mornin', Mat…" Emil mumbled softly, though he spoke in a monotone voice, obvious that he was beginning to regret ever waking up. He just wanted to sleep and act like nothing had happened the day before.

"...Mornin'," he replied, sounding rather tired himself, "you sleep alright…?" Honestly, it was easiest right now to make small talk, and pretend that everything was well, even if it really wasn't, and they were less yet another brother…

Emil stayed silent for the longest time, rolling onto his back and staring blankly up at the ceiling that was beginning to sport water stains from the shingles on the roof unhinging and leaving the wood underneath bare so water could seep in. He remembered spending countless nights as a child staring up at them when he could not sleep.

"...I suppose so," Emil finally replied, not bothering to look over at Mathias, though he desperately longed to curl into Mat again and just let his heart spill. But, he had to man up now. Soon enough, he was sure, it'd be just him. "I don't really remember much of my sleep... It was blank and dark… It was… lonely," he finished, letting his sentence die off.

"...Mm, yeah... I get that," Mat mumbled, rolling onto his back himself, looking up at the ceiling as well.

In an attempt to change the subject to something a little lighter, he pointed up towards one of the stains on the roof and asked, "Do you think that looks like a dog?"

Emil squinted his eyes and managed to put a smile on his pale, chapped lips. He couldn't help but chuckle gently at Mathias's question, moving his hand to find Mathias's and to entangle them together.

"I suppose so," his smile got a bit bigger as he spoke, humming before he opened his mouth yet again. "What about that one?" Emil pointed a bit to his left. "That one reminds me of the sharks I saw in Lukas's colouring books when I was younger, the ones he would let me colour in."

"I think it looks like… Ber, when he used to get mad at me," Mathias replied, sounding thoughtful initially before he just started snickering. Sure, he missed Berwald, but that _certainly _didn't mean he couldn't keep poking fun at him.

"Actually, it probably does look like a shark, but it's funnier to think of it as angry Ber," he finished, nodding a little and grinning a bit to himself.

Emil burst out laughing, covering his mouth with his spare hand so he wouldn't be so loud. After he calmed his laughing he rolled over the slightest bit towards Mat and gave him a playful, light slap on his arm.

"Mathias!" Emil exclaimed, still chuckling at the thought of Berwald looking like an angry shark. "That's just mean," he teased, nuzzling at the other's shoulder gently. "Berwald is probably looking down on you, talking about how stupid that sounded."

"Tino probably agrees," he laughed, obviously finding this whole scenario hilarious. "Hell, even I agree with him. I know it sounded stupid. Who cares, though? Wait, that's a stupid question. He does, obviously. He'd probably punch me or something."

Getting punched by Berwald was not a foreign concept to Mathias. That was something that used to happen frequently, and would have happened more had Tino not intervened. Lukas normally ignored them, or shouted dryly at Berwald to just 'knock him out or something'.

He observed the ceiling a moment longer, before pointing to another stain a little ways to the left. "That one looks like a cat that broke it's leg or something. It probably broke it's back, too," he remarked thoughtfully, "...Or maybe it's a squirrel? I can't tell."

"With a back like that and what you think to be a broken leg?" Emil questioned with a bit of a scoff. "That is, in no way, a cat. If anything, yeah, its a squirrel," he nodded, agreeing with Mathias on the second portion. "If it was a cat, I'd be scared for it's health or something. It'd probably already be dead."

"If it's dead, it's definitely a cat. I don't like cats. One bit me when I was little," he explained, tsking and shaking his head. "I must'a been five or something, and I was messing around on the street with Ber, and this pissed off cat came up and started hissing at me so I tried to chase it away, and the stupid thing attacked me!" he cackled, grinning brightly and continuing. "I started screaming my head off, and I'm pretty sure Ber was laughing at me. Mom came running out of the house to find me sitting in the middle of the road with a bloody hand and an angry cat staring me down. She got it to go away and then I remember, after we got inside and she asked me what happened, Ber just shouts 'CAT BIT HIM' and the little fucker started laughing his ass off."

Emil couldn't help but to start snickering once Mathias finished his story. He swore Berwald and Mat always seemed to have the best little adventures with each other. Emil had to admit, he was rather jealous, though he brushed that off and continued with being happy.

"Mathias, any cat in it's right mind would attack you for chasing it!" he chided lightly. He squeezed at Mathias's hand before asking, "Is this the hand it bit you on?" Emil gently raised their arms up, elbow still on the bed so he could get a closer look.

"Yeah," Mat chuckled, "I've still got the scars, I think…? Maybe. Probably. I've got scars from things that weren't as bad as that was, so I've probably still got the scars."

Emil, after patiently observing and turning over Mat's hand in his own, finally found the scar and smiled to himself. "Right here," he mused gently, bringing Mat's hand close and giving it a careful peck, just for good measures. "I still think what the cat did was right," Emil continued, chuckling under his breath, "But its an injury none the less…"

"I'm pretty sure what the cat did _wasn't_ right and you just have to say that because you're my brother," he replied, rolling his eyes, grinning a little to himself. "I'm pretty sure what the cat did was completely uncalled for, but it's probably dead now, so I don't care. I outlived that stupid cat, that makes me better than it."

"I'm saying that because I love you," Emil retorted. "Partly because I am your brother, but still. Now shut up about the stupid cat, we all know that cat beat you fair and square!" He teased, snickering with the most amused look on his face. "I'm pretty sure I can even beat you at some things now, I mean really, Mat."

Mathias scoffed, turning his head to look at Emil. "I'm pretty sure you can't. I'm the oldest and biggest brother. You can't beat me at shit. I'm better at everything because I'm older. That's how it works."

"I'm younger, though," Emil smirked, looking back at Mathias, straight in the eyes. "_I've_ got more youth and beauty, so theres something I rank above you ten times over."

"I don't know about that," Mat rolled his eyes, "You're younger than me, but I'm better looking. Everyone knows that! Plus, you still kind of look like a little girl."

Emil furrowed his eyebrows together, pouting and letting out an exaggerated huff. With his spare hand he put his hand over Mat's mouth. "Shut it, that's not funny, thats mean, Mat." He let go of Mat's hand a little roughly and kept his hand other hand where it was, looking unimpressed with his brother's remark.

Laughing, Mat decided the most effective way to get Emil to move his hand would be to slobber all over it. Anticipating that moving it was exactly what his little brother would do, he went right ahead and licked Emil's hand, only after making sure there was a suitable amount of spit in his mouth.

Emil felt the slimy saliva on his hand as soon as Mathias stuck out his tongue, screeching as loudly as his voice could get, moving away and off the bed in a hurry. That is, only after giving his older brother a good slap on the chest as a reaction.

"Mat!" he screamed, "Thats _so gross_! What the fuck!?" He quickly wiped his hands on his pants and gave Mathias the most unhappy, unloving look he could muster, deciding that he'd leave Mat alone for now. Emil never dealt well with these things and just went to sulk in the dining room, mumbling to himself about how Mat was just a big jerk.

"You were practically _asking _for that!" Mat cackled from the bed, grinning like a maniac, "Thats what you get for putting your hand there! It's not _my _fault!" Obviously, it was his fault, but that was completely irrelevant and he honestly didn't care.

When his laughter died down, Mathias hauled himself out of the bed, and wandered into the dining room, and then into the kitchen, with the intent to see if there was anything in the cupboards to eat. Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a whole lot, the kids from the other night having raided them. He didn't mind so much, all that meant was that there was a trip to the market to be had in the near future. With nothing to snack on, he wandered back into the dining room, intent on bothering his little brother again.

In the dining room, Emil was sitting down on one of the few chairs they had left in their house, elbows on the table and head in his hands, looking out the window and thinking about things that had occurred in the last few days. The happiness that was present moments ago had drained from his body, and it looked that way too. He no longer looked like a nineteen year old boy, just starting his life, but someone who'd seen years and years of hardships, that of a man in at least his thirties. As he heard Mat enter the room, he looked over. Emil sighed slowly, closing his eyes and turning away, head dipping downwards.

"I hate this," Emil whispered. "Mat… I can't…" was all he said, going quiet once again.

For the next few moments the whole room was silent, it was sad and unwelcome, and stayed that way until Mat spoke up.

"..I know," he started, speaking rather quietly. The silence of the room, of the moment, called for soft voices and hushed words, near silence so as not to disturb the ghosts in the rooms, the walls, and the windows.

Again, silence fell, and for a few moments, it would have been possible to hear a pin drop. He took a few steps towards Emil, floorboards creaking with every step, and opted to lean lightly against the table beside him.

"...It gets better though, yeah?" he started, still speaking quietly. "...We know that, we've been through this before. It'll get better…"

Emil slowly turned his head to look over at Mathias who was rather close now. When he turned his eyes were watery, tears beginning to well over, and his bottom lip trembling as he tried to to cry. He wasn't supposed to cry…

"You know just as well as I do that you'll be next to go," Emil responded in a hushed voice, trying to keep calm. He moved his hands to grip at his own pants, pursing his lips together in another vain attempt to stop himself from reaching breaking point. "And it'll just be me. Mat, I'm going to lose you too… How am I supposed to believe this will all get better…?"

"...Stuff just has a way of working itself out eventually," Mat shrugged, smiling down at him a little sadly, "...Even if I do die soon, you'll be okay. I know you will… It'll be hard, I know, but… You'll be okay… You just…" Mathias stopped, and took a moment to ponder on what to say next. "Can't dwell on shit, yanno? Can't let anything bring you down. Act like you're on top of the whole goddamned world even if you feel like the whole thing's caving in around you." That was how he went through life, anyway. "...And you've gotta grow up some day, kiddo," Mat attempted to joke, gently punching Emil's shoulder.

"But Mat…" Emil started, a sad, watery smile poked at the corner of his lips. "I'm just the baby, no matter how old I grow, I'll always be that way… I can't just live without my brothers… 'specially you," Emil let the sentence die off, looking away. He didn't want to admit it, but Mat was one of the biggest contributors in his life, right next to Lukas. "So, I'm not sure I ever can grow up…"

As Emil finished his sentence he looked back at Mat, sniffling and wiping the tears away.

Mat's eyebrows furrowed upwards, and for a moment, he looked as though he might start crying. He managed to get himself under control quickly, taking in a few deep breaths and reaching out to gently ruffle Emil's hair.

"...Baby or not, one day I'm gonna be gone and you're gonna have to make it by yourself," he replied gently, "I don't know if that's gonna be soon, or if that's gonna be years and years down the road, but…One day it'll just be you, and you can't just give up because you're alone, or because shit seems like it's too hard on your own… It's gonna be hard, you've gotta expect that.. but it gets a lot easier, believe me… It's a scary, being alone, having to take care of yourself, I know… But it'll be okay. One day, it's gonna be okay and you'll be alright, with or without me and my dumb ass."

Emil didn't bother to look over, not wanting to see Mathias's expression at what he was about to say. He began to open his mouth, eyes closing. "You know very well, Mat, that if you go, I'll just follow… I'm not as strong as you, or any of the others for that matter…. I refuse to be separated from you more than need be…"

With that, yet again, the room fell silent and it felt uncomfortably heavy.

Before Mat had the chance to respond, Emil gripped tighter at his pants, practically growling as he spoke. "I'll take that stupid fucking shotgun of yours and cock it to my head, Mat. I refuse to be separated from you more than need be…," he repeated, voice quivering.

Startled by what was coming out of his little brother's mouth, he was quiet for a long, heavy moment. Soon though, he spoke, angry.

"You can't be so damn dependent on me. Especially not _now_. How the fuck am I supposed to react to that!? If I die, you're telling me you'll shoot yourself in the head?! Shit, Emil. _Grow up,_" he practically hissed. Deep down, he knew he shouldn't be angry with his brother. No, he understood how he felt, he shouldn't be this angry, but at the same time, he couldn't help it.

"Fine!" Emil yelled in a watery voice, standing up quickly and sending his chair backwards in anger. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the crying he had been doing lately. "You want me to grow up!? You don't want me to be so dependant on you anymore!? Fine! I can make that fucking happen!" And with that Emil stomped off to his room, found one of his old school bags, and began packing with with clothes that had been shoved into his drawers. He hurried back into the kitchen to raid the cupboards, taking all that was left and just sweeping it into his bag. He zipped up the backpack, swung it onto his shoulders, and headed for the door, not bothering to listen to what Mathias had to say about the subject. He reached for the door handle and began to turn the knob, opening the door.

Mathias watched, dumbfounded, as Emil gathered up his things and stormed to the front door. He felt, briefly, like he was glued to the floor. Emil's hand touched the door knob and like that, he was unstuck, striding quickly to where his brother was and yanking him back gruffly. "Fuck no. _Fuck. No._ You're not leaving. No way. Nuh-uh," he shook his head, fuming, but also horribly worried. "No way I'm letting you leave. You're just gonna go? You'll probably get yourself killed! Fuck no!"

He was _not_ losing another little brother, not over his dead fucking body. He had one left! One! And that little brother was trying to storm out the front door? He just wasn't having this, no way. No _fucking way._

Emil looked back at Mathias, wide eyed and stunned, a little scared to say the least. "No!" Emil asserted. "You want me to grow up and not be so dependant on you? Then here, have it! Get your stupid hands off me!" he demanded.

Emil shook his shoulders harshly to try and get Mathias off him, which eventually succeeded and he hurried out the door in a matter of seconds. As soon as his back was towards Mathias, the tears started flowing and his body shook rather violently. He was surprised he managed to keep walking, but he did. Emil didn't look back in fear that if he did, he'd go running back to his brother, which he desperately wanted to. He wanted his brother to come running and hold him tight, and tell him to shh, and it'll be alright but, that wasn't the case. So, relentlessly, Emil continued on walking towards the gates to leave the town.

Mathias stood at the door, and then that the edge of the front yard, shouting after him until he was out of site. One of the neighbours yelled out their window for him to shut up, so he went back inside, slamming the door hard enough that it rattled on the hinges and shook the old walls of the front room. Breathing shaky, he leaned heavily against the door for a moment, recounting what had just occurred in his head until what he perceived as his own failure drove him to the cellar, to the shelves where the alcohol was stored.

Normally, the bottles were kept for special occasions. There wasn't a lot, and the city didn't put out a lot of new bottles. So basically, what they had in the cellar was all they would ever have. It was supposed to be for celebrations or birthdays, but honestly, he couldn't have cared any less than he did in that moment. In the space of two days, he'd found Lukas dead and driven his last living family member out the front door. If that wasn't a cause to drink the last few bottles in the basement, then he didn't know what was.

* * *

The next few hours were spent in the cellar, drinking what was left of the alcohol, mulling over what had happened, and throwing the empty bottle against the opposite wall. The sound of shattering glass was almost something of a comfort, as was watching the pieces fall to an ugly mess on the floor. In his current state, he couldn't be bothered to even think about cleaning it up. What did it matter, anyway? There was broken glass on the floor in the cellar, and no one would pick it up. No one would ever pick it up, because there would never again be anyone to pick it up, almost like there would never be anyone to pick him up.

Two hours in, his hazy mind drew the conclusion that it wasn't his fault so much as it was the fault of the system and how the city was run. He would never have lost his brothers if he hadn't had to do the only job that took someone younger than eighteen, that secured a steady supply of food and money. He wouldn't have lost his brothers if that pay hadn't started to dwindle, if Berwald, and then Lukas, and Tino, and eventually Emil hadn't had to come join him out past the walls in order to keep their little family from being evicted, from losing everything they had. He decided very quickly that he had to do something about this.

Three hours in, he decided that the most effective course of action would be to show everyone what it was like beyond the walls, to have them lose their family to the sinewy beasts with their long, dagger-like nails and bottomless red eyes. That, he told himself, was the only way to convince the entire population that it was inhumane to send people beyond the walls, even if it meant they starved on the inside.

Five hours in, with the shelves empty, a plan hashed out in his head, and with a fire in his heart, Mathias hauled himself to his feet, and dragged himself up out of the cellar. It was beginning to get dark now, by the looks of things outside the windows… Perfect. He snatched his gun, slung it carelessly over his shoulder, and teetered out of the house. The door was left wide open, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care.

Less than a half an hour later, the guards at the front gate lay dying on the ground, bullet wounds to their chests, and the front gate stood wide open, the mechanism designed to keep them closed completely ruined. Mathias, who had clambered to the top of the cement walls, sat and watched as the first of the gnarled, canine beasts stepped through the gate to find the dying, bleeding men. It howled, screeching wildly before digging in. The city seemed to fall silent and he grinned to himself. Now they would know how he felt. Now they would understand, as they were thrown violently from their sleepy little lives in the sleepy little town he'd called home all his life.

It wasn't home anymore.

It would never be his home again.


	4. Chapter 4

Emil had been wandering the foreign landscape for at least 15 hours now, feet dragging through grass beneath him, slouching forward due to how tired he was. His knees were weak and about to give in, shaking horribly with each step. With dusk falling over the horizon, he was almost one hundred percent sure that it was about to end here. The beasts were about to come out and wander now, not that a few weren't already, but now, with night falling, the creatures would crawl out of their grassy dens and begin their night hunts. He could hear them already, howling and screeching to one another.

Soon enough his knees collapsed from underneath him and he fell down with a dull thud, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips. Emil's head was hazy from lack of eating, for he didn't want to stop more than he had to.

Looking up at the now darkening sky, he began mumbled his last goodbyes, having given in and accepted the fact that this night, he would likely meet his end. The way the stars shone and shimmered as they appeared reminded himself of Berwald and his stories about the constellations, the patterns they made and the stories they told. He was convinced Berwald was looking down on him, and if this was where he were to die, he'd get to spend the rest of his time on the godforsaken earth with the ghost. His thoughts began to shift, slowly filtering down to Mathias, and how the last words they would ever exchange, as far as Emil knew at the moment, would be hateful ones.

"I'm sorry, Mat.." Emil whispered, tears cascading down his cheeks, sobs gently escaping from the back of his throat. "I love you, Mat, Please forgive me…"

He could hear the rustling in the bushes and the distant growl not long after caused his tears to come quicker. In the distance, he could hear the howls and screeches of the Soul Mongrels and he knew now that they were to come. It was now that he began to regret everything, fighting with Mathias, leaving the house, and leaving the town. If he would have stayed, he could have just curled into his brother and been safe and warm, but out here in the wild where the beasts roamed free, he knew that would never happen again. He had willingly given it up in a hotheaded, childish fit of anger that was beginning to become fatal.

The growls and thump, thump of the beast's feet grew closer and quicker the longer he stayed still, thinking. This was the end, Emil was sure of it. He shut his eyes tightly, the final tears leaving his eyes. He waited for the pain to wash over his body, for the long nails that were designed to rip into his flesh and leave him as nothing but a gutted mess.

Abruptly, the hideous, stench covered creature brought it's clawed hand down, long, jagged nails scratching across Emil's chest violently, blood beginning to ooze and splatter out about the landscape before him. Initially, he hardly felt it. There was nothing, aside from a dull ache and rough pulling at one of his ribs. It was as though time had slowed to a crawl, like everything aside from his thoughts was moving in slow motion, creeping along. There was a loud snap, and then, louder still, a miniature explosion from behind him- a gunshot, he was quick to realize-, and as the creature stumbled backwards and threw its head back with a wail, the pain rushed up to meet him like a brick wall.

He couldn't breathe to scream, the sudden influx of pain cutting off his air supply. Wheezing, he toppled forward, hardly catching himself on his hands before falling into the bloodied grass, blood trickling out of his body and creating a pool underneath. There were several more shots, and shouting, but he paid the noises no heed. The pain was tremendous and didn't allow him to focus on much other than how much it hurt, and how there was a distinct, coppery taste in his mouth. He lay there for what felt like an eternity before a familiar, frantic voice started to call out his name.

Around him, sounds began to get fainter and fainter, though he could make out quick footsteps and the distant shouting of a familiar voice coming towards him.

Beside him, Mathias came to a halt, quickly dropping to his knees and over to where his brother lay, face down in the grass. With shaky hands he turned Emil over to see the damage done. It was gruesome and bloody, a good amount of his brother's blood already gushing out of the wound's opening, starting from his collarbone and down past his ribs. It was plain to see the bone there and that multiple ribs had been snapped or fractured, one even poking into what Mat was sure to be Emil's lung. Upon further notice, eyes set on his Emil's face, the fact that his already pale face was that of a ghosts was even more disturbing. It didn't look like his loving little brother with bright, lavender eyes and rosy cheeks.

"Oh god, oh god..!" Mat mumbled, frantically searching the bag he had brought for some gauze or bandages, anything to keep Emil's wound shut. Nothing. It was seconds later that Mat remembered all the clothes Emil had packed. As quick as he could without hurting his brother any further, he took the backpack off his back and dug frantically through it, taking the first piece of clothing he could get his hands on and ripping it into long strands to wrap around Emil's body.

Although Mat's hands were shaky, he managed to wrap his brother up decently. It would have do for now. With tears in his eyes, he glanced down at Emil, a second later grasping one of his hands in both of his own.

"Shit, kid, shit. I told you, you'd just get hurt…! Shit, fuck, you can't die on me, not now, not now…" Mat yammered frantically, holding his little brother's hand tightly. God, please let Emil live. His last little brother, his baby brother, was lying injured and bloody on the ground and there was so little he could do to help. He wasn't even sure there were other towns he could take the kid to! There was no going back home either, not after what had happened, so his only real options were to try to play doctor, which would likely do more harm than good, or take Emil God knows where, in an attempt to find a place that would be able to fix him up and make him better.

"...C'mon, kid," he blubbered, squeezing Emil's hand lightly, "Answer me, you've gotta answer me…"

Emil let his eyes open just a crack. As soon as they hit Mathias's face, a stupid, lopsided grin danced it's way onto his face, a small stream of blood seeping out from his mouth and flowing down the side of his chin. He let out a breathy chuckle, though it was followed by a watery, rattling sort of sound. Emil had no choice but to cough, which resulted in even more blood beginning to spew out of his mouth and dribble down.

"Mat?" He questioned, eyes dull and lifeless looking. His voice was hoarse and in a near whisper, shaky as well. "Mat, I'm sorry," Emil admitted, the tears poking back into the corners of his eyes, though it hurt to cry. He didn't have much else to say besides one little question, knowing now only where Mathias's voice was coming from because of their intertwined hands, as the world started to blur. "Why're you here..?"

"Got myself kicked out of town," Mat replied with a watery sort of laugh, glad to see that, even if he found there wasn't anything he could do, he would still get to talk to Emil, at least for a little while. "Shit, that doesn't matter… Fuck, you're alive, it's okay…" Gently, he brushed the tears off his little brother's cheeks, and lightly scrubbed away the blood around his mouth. "You're alive, it's alright. It's okay… You just.. gotta say alive, and it'll be fine…"

Emil raised his spare hand weakly, carefully, wary of his injuries. Gently, he set his hand on the side of Mathias's slightly scruffy face. His fingers were thin and gentle to the touch, though heat was beginning to seep out from his extremities, leaving them cold to the touch.

He desperately wanted to get closer to his big brother, wanting the warmth and the affection. Emil was sorry, but there wasn't much he could do now aside from attempting to get his feelings across in just a simple touch of their skin.

"...You just.. rest, alright kiddo?" Mat suggested quietly, gently taking Emil's hand and lowering it from his face. "...But.. Don't sleep, okay? You'll be okay.. I'll get you somewhere, get you all fixed up… Yeah, don't worry.. I've got you, you're okay…" He continued to repeat himself like that, as he moved to scoop Emil into his arms, as carefully as he possibly could. It was a difficult feat, and he was sure it hurt his baby brother far more than he would have liked, but at the end of the day, he didn't have much of a choice if he wanted Emil to live.

Emil pouted gently, just moving his hand back to where it was on Mathias's face once he was done being moved. Without using much force, knowing that Mat would get the hint, he applied minimal pressure to coax his head down, far enough that Emil could place his forehead and the bridge of his nose lightly against his brother's jawline and chin, dying for the comfort.

His breathing remained shallow and quick, watery sounding as well, though he kept breathing. Eventually, his eyes fluttered closed and he was dying to drift into sleep, but Mathias warned him not to. It was a constant battle between himself, physically and mentally.

Mat took a moment to do little other than sit there with Emil in his arms. Eventually though, as Emil started to drift off, he realized that if he wanted to save his brother, he would have to leave. Slowly, and as carefully as possible, he hooked their bags over his back, adjusted his arms to support his brother, and stood up, cradling Emil to his chest. After quickly surveying the area and listening for any signs of more of the beasts, he set off, intent on finding someone, somewhere, who would be able to effectively heal his brother.

He realized absently while walking that the sky was cloudless, that every single one of the thousands, maybe millions of stars above his head were bright and alive, glowing and forming the little patterns that he still had trouble making out… The only constellation in the sky that he could really make out was Ursa Major… Ber had that one stuck in his head, and it was hard to miss if he were to be honest. Mathias smiled wistfully, before glancing back down to check on Emil.

Emil somehow managed to keep his forehead still nestled up against the side of Mathias's face. He moved his head upwards briefly to nudge him with his nose, eyes falling shut all the way now.

His arms moved so they were loosely dangling around Mat's neck, careful not to extend them to much. If he did such it was likely, in his own hazy thoughts, that he'd get an even greater gap where the wound lay, but it was better to be safely secured in his brothers arms than anything else.

Emil began to relax into Mathias's arms. It was oddly comforting, being looked after like this, like he was still just a small child, though it didn't help the fact that it made his eyes droop even more.

"I'm...I'm going to get some sleep now, Mat," Emil mumbled gently. He couldn't stay awake any longer. His body was sore and his mind had been running around itself time and time again. It was time for sleep.

Mathias tried to protest, cutting himself off a few times before sighing and nodding slightly. There was nothing he could do really, except move faster and hope that eventually, he came across a little town, or something of the like. Emil was exhausted, so there was no helping his falling asleep. "...Make sure you wake up, kid," was all he said in reply, picking up the pace a little. "...Love you, Emil."

"I love you too, Mat.." Emil mumbled gently. He would offer his brother a quick peck on the cheek like when they were younger, but he was far too tired and exhausted. His muscles ached and his lungs burned painfully. He found that it was getting far too hard to breathe, especially in this weather. So, instead, he just lightly nuzzled his brother's jawline, head falling back into the crook of his neck, and passing out in his brother's embrace. All at once, the world fell dark, sounds drifting into an endless, sleepy void in which he was content to rest.

When he finally came upon another little town, surrounded on all sides by a tall, cement wall, Mathias was no longer sure if Emil was alive. It was hard to make out whether or not his chest was rising and falling, and he had become horribly cold… He hoped, that by some miracle, Emil had managed to survive the journey.

It was verging on what he assumed to be mid afternoon, and rest be damned, he hadn't stopped since he had stood up. Emil hadn't woken either, hadn't breathed a word since he'd closed his eyes. The blood had seeped through the bandages, and in places, had begun to seep through Mathias's shirt. Warm and sticky, he tried to pretend like he couldn't feel the red stain that was blooming on his shirt, slowly but surely expanding outwards and making concrete the fact that he was horribly close to losing the last, precious member of his family.

The sky was overcast, and the closer he was to the town, the more he noticed how the air smelled musty, dirty like the river back home if you got too close. He found that to be rather off putting, but forged ahead none the less, desperate to get his brother somewhere safe.

After a short conversation with the town's guards, he was let in and directed towards the hospital and warned that it was unlikely that they would be able to do much in the way of taking care of his brother. Mathias had only nodded, shifted Emil lightly in his arms, and continued on. A little hope was better than no hope, after all.

The town was not particularly large. On a good day, Mathias estimated that he could probably walk the perimeter of it in four or five hours, give or take a few minutes. The streets were mostly dirt, and the houses, the newer looking ones at least, were made of wood and beginning to look as though they were about to cave in. It was a sleepy little place, the residents wandering about, going about their daily routines, whether that be tending to their rambunctious children, or making runs to the market. Some of them were rather intrigued by his presence, attempting to ask him something in a language he didn't understand, even if it sounded vaguely familiar. Obviously, most of these people were not Danish… That thought was particularly odd. In his lifetime, he had never met a person who wasn't Danish… with the exception of Tino, which he had only found out a few years ago. Apparently, Tino was Finnish… whatever that meant. These people, though they were speaking a different language like Tino had on occasion, were decidedly not Finnish.

The hospital, when he arrived there, was little more than a two story, rectangularly shaped building with far too many windows and flowers carefully planted along the walkway. Unsure of what to do or how to go about getting someone to take Emil in, he went up to the door, poked it with his foot, found it to be ajar, and made his way inside. The few people milling about the front room stopped what they had been doing, and turned their attention to him. One of the women, dressed in a clean, colourful sort of outfit, spoke up in the odd language that these people all seemed to be speaking. He had no idea what she was saying.

"...Repeat that? In Danish?" he asked clearly, hoping she understood what he said. She stared at him for a moment, seemingly rather intrigued by the way he spoke, before repeating in accented Danish.

"I said, 'he needs help?'" she responded, taking a few steps towards Mathias and Emil. Understanding what she said now, he nodded and looked down at Emil for a moment.

"Anything you can do to help him would be nice. I'm not sure if he's even alive- he was attacked outside the walls late yesterday." In response to that, the woman frowned, turned, and shouted something at the others in the room that seemed to get them in gear. She herself turned and left briefly, coming back dragging a wheeled bed. She motioned rather dramatically for him to put Emil down, apparently not having the words to tell him to, and once Emil was down on the bed, she wheeled the bed down one of the halls, Mathias following a ways behind. A few of the others, the ones she had shouted at earlier, hurried down the hall in front of her and disappeared into one of the rooms on the side. She followed them in, after giving Mathias an apologetic sort of smile. The door was promptly shut, and with nothing else to do, Mathias wandered back to the main room and sat himself down in one of the rickety chairs. Exhaustion finally taking hold, his eyes drooped shut, and soon, he was asleep.

Hours passed, and when he woke, the sky was dark once again and a woman's voice was telling him to wake up. His eyes cracked open, vision flooding with candle light and the same nurse, or doctor, he wasn't sure, from earlier. Mathias yawned, blinking blearily up at her. She greeted him with a sympathetic sort of smile before speaking in messy Danish.

"...I think he be okay. We tried… Uh, he is sleeping," she told him, nodding lightly to herself. "There is not much we can do, but… uh…" she paused for a moment, looking for a word, before shaking her head and repeating, "we tired."

Mathias eyed her skeptically, before rubbing tiredly at his eyes and nodding, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, "...As long as he's okay… Thank you."

"Welcome," she replied, nodding a little again before turning heel and heading back down the hallway. Apparently, Emil would be alright… That was, honestly, all that really mattered right now.

-

When Emil awoke, eyes slipping open blearily, he found himself in a hospital bed, the mattress below him a bit lumpy but it was very much better than sleeping on the ground like he had been used to the last few months. He noticed the room was dark except for a flickering candle in the far right corner on a nightstand that had been weathered down. It must have been decades and decades old, he mused.

Emil attempted to hoist himself up into a sitting position but failed, flopping back against the bed with a huff and watery eyes. His head was spinning at what seemed to be a hundred miles per hour and was almost positive he was going to vomit, if that was even possible on an empty stomach. It frustrated him, hating the feeling of feeling sick and dizzy. Emil looked down at his arm which had a slight tugging feeling, noticing an IV taped to his wrist. He soon came to the conclusion that he must have had a high dosage of painkillers through it, explaining why he may have been so dizzy. That and the loss of blood and lack of anything to drink.

As he began to curl up, rolling onto his left side with a groan and a hitch of his breath, he felt something blocking his way to move any further. Upon reevaluating his surroundings it was realized that Mathias had made himself at home next to Emil on the little wheeled bed, hardly able to make out his figure in the dim candle light.

Emil gently tried to wake Mathias by giving him as firm as a shake as he could muster in his current physical state, mumbling for him to wake up.

"Mat," he started, "Mat, please wake up," he begged in a whisper, hoping his sleeping brother curled next to him who was hardly able to fit the bed would hear his quiet please.

Mathias groaned sleepily, shifting a little where he lay before his eyes blinked open and he looked blearily in the candlelight at his little brother. Upon seeing that Emil was awake, he smiled sleepily, closed his eyes again for a moment, and sighed happily. He knew coming in here was going to be a good idea, even if it was a little hard to sleep on the small bed.

"Hey, Emil. Nice seein' you awake.." he mumbled, hands over to rub lightly at his eyes before he yawned. "...'s good knowing you're okay… Got me super worried, kid. Carried you all yesterday… thought you were dead," he frowned, blinking at Emil, eyes working to get used to the light. "...Was really scared… But you're okay."

Emil nodded, curling in close without bending his torso as much as he could, a fist clenching at Mathias clothes that he wore amongst his chest. "Mat," he began to mumble, scared to open his mouth in fear that he wouldn't be able to handle his stomach flipping much longer. "Mat, I feel so sick," was all he said before going silent and shutting his eyes tight.

His pain was dull, it seemed like the medication was doing it's job, though Emil's breathing sounded rather heavy. It was easy to hear his lungs were filled with what Mathias was sure to be blood, but neither of them were too sure.

He frowned heavily, reaching up to gently comb back Emil's messy hair with his fingers. "...I know, but there's not a lot I can do about that… I'm just glad you're alive, to be honest… If you're alive after that, you'll probably get better… so you'll be alright," he nodded to himself. As far as he was concerned, being alive was the ticket to staying alive, even if you were in as rough shape as Emil currently was… Poor guy.

"...I'm sorry. I shoulda gotten there sooner, shoulda shot quicker. You'd be alright if I'd been more on top of stuff…" Mathias mumbled, sounding rather sleepy still as he withdrew his hand.

Emil just shook his head, letting out a quiet 'shhh' ever so gently, much like the ones Mat would give him when he needed to calm down, and nuzzled into his brother, just happy to have him close.

"Don't be sorry…" Emil told Mathias softly, eyes still shut. "If anything, I should be sorry… I'm just…" He swallowed the lump that managed to make it's home in his throat, taking a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "I'm so glad you came back for me…" Emil desperately tried to get closer though it was virtually impossible without tangling himself up in his IV cord or curling in on his rather large wound.

Mathias moved his head forward, lightly bonking their foreheads together in a silly little display of affection. "...Couldn't just leave you out there alone, now could I?" he mumbled, giving him a warm little smile. "...Gotta at least try to look after my little brother, right? I'd be an even worse big bro if I didn't come get you… Plus, they ran me outta town… so I really didn't have much of a choice," he shrugged.

Honestly, he really hoped Emil didn't ask about what had happened that had gotten him kicked out of town… that was a little bit of an embarrassing story. In hindsight, he decided that not mentioning it would have been an effective way to avoid questions, but it was far too late for that now.

Emil was quiet for a moment before speaking up, eyes opening once more and locking gently with his brother's. "...Hey, Mat?" he questioned in a hushed, gentle tone.

"Uh-huh?" Mathias replied, giving him a rather curious look, interested to know what his little brother wanted to say.

His eyes flickered downwards to no spot in particular before his eyes went to meet Mathias's yet again. "...I love you," Emil chuckled under his breath, a small, watery smile lining his lips gently. It was a genuine smile none the less.

"...Yeah, love you too, you little dork," he responded with a soft laugh, smiling warmly.

"Good," Emil hummed, letting out a content exhale through his nose, smiling staying plastered on his pale face.

"...Yanno, I wonder if they've got any food here…" Mat pondered aloud, glancing in the direction of the door. "...I'm kinda hungry, haven't had anything to eat since… before I found you, I think? Last thing I had was… not even food, it was the last of the stuff in the cellar," he laughed a bit before continuing, "...I wonder if they'd mind if I raided their kitchen…"

"It's a hospital," Emil rolled his eyes. "They always have little food places… Go on, get something to eat," he said, nudging his brother's nose with his own. "You're probably very, very hungry…" He didn't bother to move his face from where it was until a few seconds later, withdrawing ever so slightly.

"I really am," he laughed, getting up from where he lay as carefully as possible, stretching, and heading in the direction of the door. He paused quickly, looking back at Emil. "...You want me to get you anything? Like, maybe something to drink?"

As Mathias got up he let his own thin fingers grasp at Mat's gently, letting them slide off right after though.

"Yeah, maybe something that's light on my stomach," Emil replied, curling up in bed and closing his eyes gently, moving into the warm spot where Mathias had been laying. "Come back soon, though.. I like the warmth…"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be like… ten minutes if I can find the food quickly," he shot back before opening the door, stepping out, and heading down the dimly lit hall.


	5. -quick update-

_So sorry for the long await, the next chapter is being worked on tonight. things have been rough but it should be starting up again, thank you!_


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